The Energy Source Most People Underestimate: A Teach, Lead or Leave Episode

Episode Transcript

[00:01:03] Hello, and welcome back to Positively Leading.

I'm Jenny Cole, coach, consultant, and author of Teach, Lead or Leave through my business, Positively Beaming. I'm currently doing a special collection of episodes. The genesis is my model, which is the career decision-making matrix, or the energy versus impact matrix out of my book. And that matrix puts people into quadrants based on the energy they have, at work and the impact that they're having.

In the last two episodes, we've been working through two of the three energy sources. Firstly, strengths. These are the things that we are wired to do and that we love doing. Then values, what matters most to you and needs to be honored. And if you've listened to those, you've probably already picked up some clues about why [00:02:03] certain work lights you up and other work does not.

Today, we are finishing off the trio with the third energy source, your working style. And I think that this is the one that most people underestimate, because it's not about what you're good at, and it's not about what you believe in. It's actually how you like to operate. So yes, your strengths and your values are part of this, but this is almost like your personality.

This is not about personality, but this feels like your personality. And when you're forced to work and operate in a way that fights your natural style, or let's call it a personality, you will feel friction even if you're using your strengths and even if your values are intact. So let me draw the same kind of line I drew with strengths and values because it, matters here too.[00:03:03]

Working style isn't your personality in some deep, fixed astrology kind of way. It's not necessarily who you are at your core. It's simply your natural preference for how you like to get things done. It is the result of nature and nurture. It can change over time. It is impacted by your life experiences.

But it's fairly consistent. Not fixed, but consistent. So that could be whether you're fast or whether you're more considered, whether you're out loud or you prefer it on paper, whether you prefer to work alone or with people around you, whether you're more structured or more flexible. None of these things is right or wrong.

They're just a different way of preferring your world to work. There are a [00:04:03] large number of tools that you can engage in. Myers-Briggs, which research has shown to be largely made up. There are things like Working Genius. But the framework I use most with my clients is DISC. Everything DISC management or everything DISC workplace, depending on your role in the organization. I've talked about this lots.

If you go back through the podcasts, you will have heard me talk about things, to do with DISC and strengths. They're in just about everything that I do, and you may have done DISC as part of a leadership program. Maybe it was just a fun afternoon with a colorful wheel or sets of cards.

It might not have even been called DISC because it has been around for 80 100 years. It comes from the work of William Moulton Marston way back in the previous century, [00:05:03] and lots of people have built on it, and it's not about putting you in boxes. It does refer to four broad styles, which I then like to carve up into 12 versions of that style.

And if you do the proper assessment, you get a very, very, very detailed look at exactly where you sit. We're not gonna get to that level of detail today, but just trust me that this can be very useful, and more than just broad brush strokes. It can be very informative, particularly if you're in a leadership role.

And you may have already done, as I said, a version of DISC. There's another one called PRINT, which I don't prefer, mainly because people forget what all the styles are.

I laughingly say that this had the biggest impact on my leadership development, and [00:06:03] sadly, I learnt it once I had already left schools. I was working for a coaching company, and it was just part of the training that we did in order to understand the people that we were working with, but I had the most amazing aha moment.

And when I got my printed assessment and I showed it to a family member, they said, "Did a psychiatrist write this about you?" It was so accurate that it was like they were reading my horoscope or delving deep into my soul. And this is what I learnt. That they're essentially in DISC, two axes. Speed, so there are people who work fast, think fast, tend to move quite quickly, be quite strategic, and take a lot of risk, versus those people who are more slow and methodical.

Then the other axis is those people who prefer to work in and around [00:07:03] people based on feelings and emotions, they're agreeable and they're accepting, and there are those who are more task-focused, who tend to be more logical and skeptical. They tend to work from facts rather than feelings. And that divides us into four basic styles.

The first one is D for dominance, and this describes somebody who is in the top left quadrant, so they work and think quite quickly, and they are logical or task-focused. People with a strong D style are focused on results.

The reason they come to work is to get shit done. They can see the big picture, and they can see all the parts that fit together, and so they will swoop in and try and fix something before you even knew it was broken. They're direct, they're decisive, and they want to move quite quickly. They are deeply energized by having [00:08:03] a challenge, a project.

They love autonomy, and they like to make decisions, and they like to get to the point. They're not very good with the fluff and the collaboration. What drains them is slow process, endless discussion, and feeling like their hands are tied By detail and processes that they don't need to follow through.

Under pressure, D tends to be even more direct and sometimes to the point of being blunt. But if you wanna get something done and get it done quickly, then a D is your person. I for influence. These folk are also faster, but they like to work and be around people. Their focus is on people and possibility.

They're enthusiastic and optimistic, and they build relationships really easily. They can talk you into just about anything. They're [00:09:03] energized by connection and conversation and being around others. They love ideas. What drains them is isolation, rigid detail, cold and impersonal processes. Under pressure, an I can talk more than usual.

They can have a little tantrum, or they might avoid a hard decision by staying upbeat and possibly even manipulative without actually working on what's wrong. They will avoid dealing with the issue for as long as humanly possible. But they're delightful to be around.

S for steadiness. We're now down at the slower, more methodical end of The axis. And still on the people side. So people with a strong S or supportive style are focused on cooperation and dependability. They love harmony and being around [00:10:03] people. They're calm and loyal, and they don't like to be rushed, and what drains them is sudden change or conflict.

S's make decisions with other people. They're very unlikely to make decisions on their own. And under pressure, they will be quiet or withdrawn, or they will be passive and agreeable, rather than pushing back, even if something is genuinely wrong. So these are our doers. They happily go about their work As long as they are able to do it in collaboration and with consideration of others.

Also at the slower, more methodical end are our C for conscientiousness folk or compliance These are our logical, careful, accurate folk who focus on quality. [00:11:03] They come to work to do a good quality job, not to build relationships with people, although they do. They're independent. They want the details.

They take real pride in getting things right and doing things properly. They are energized by careful analysis and very clear standards. What drains them is ambiguity, being rushed, and sloppy work around them. Under pressure, C for conscientiousness can overanalyze. They get analysis paralysis or become overly critical of themselves or others.

We know everyone is different, and we most of the time can accommodate for other people's differences.

But we are fundamentally motivated by different things. And so this is what I learned, is that I was trying to motivate everybody on my team [00:12:03] by using my natural and preferred style of enthusiasm and energy and collaboration, and I would get people really excited about projects. And other people who were like me would get on board, and because I's aren't particularly good with details, they'd often get a little distracted about what the outcome was, but we would have a very good time.

The supportive folk, the S's, they're also collaborative, and so they were pretty good. They didn't mind my style, but sometimes I was just a little too fast for them, and I skipped over the collaboration because I just thought it would be a great idea, and I didn't give enough time for the team harmony and the team building that they require. But my C folk were actually put off by my style.

I was [00:13:03] not clear enough. I didn't give enough details. My enthusiasm was actually off-putting. They saw me as flaky, and I saw them as being difficult. They wanted a lot of detail. I wanted them to get innovative. And the D folk in my group, so also logical and task-focused, they just wanted to get stuff done, and I just never finished anything.

So while they didn't mind the speed at which I worked, they just wanted to know what needed to be done. They didn't wanna talk about it. "Just hand me the catalog. Let me order what it is that you want. Let's just-- Enough of that chitty chatty, collaborative stuff." So while I did not wake up in the morning to disenfranchise half of my staff, that is what happened when I was just using my natural style.

And likewise, my C colleagues, they did not wake up in the morning and go, "You know what? I'm gonna ask Jen for a lot of details. I'm gonna [00:14:03] question her research. I'm going to send her long and detailed emails that require considered responses, and I am gonna see if I can make steam come out of her ears."

That was not their intention when they got up in the morning, but that was what's happening. Nice people going about their day, doing the right thing, but inadvertently rubbing up against each other because they weren't aware of their style.

So here's the thing that I want you to sit with because just as in my previous example, I think understanding your style explains a lot of the low-grade exhaustion that doesn't show up on a wellbeing survey. You can be excellent at your job. You can be using your strengths. Your values might be a perfect match for the organization or completely intact, and yet you can still be worn down day after day because the way you're required to work [00:15:03] or the people you're required to work with fight against your natural style

My example was one of them. I wanted to move fast with lots of innovation and just have lots of energy and fun, and when things weren't energizing and fun, I felt hamstrung, and I felt bored. However, the people I worked with found my style to actually be irritating for them, and it drained their energy.

Even My high energy drained the energy of those around me. So let's think about another leader. We often promote people who are Ds because they have high energy. They get stuff done. They're independent. They have pretty good ego strength. However, they wanna move fast, they wanna get results, and, and [00:16:03] if they're stuck in an environment that requires endless consultation or committee meetings or just discussions about things or even consensus before anything can change, they will be worn out.

Their wiring is just fighting the system or the culture that they are in every day. On the flip side, think about someone who is They're steady and dependable. They don't like to be rushed. They like tradition. They like to do things the way that they've always done them. Yet, your school has its third principal in four years, and they're so busy building relationships with that person that they get exhausted by [00:17:03] trying to work out where everyone fits in and what they're supposed to be doing.

So what feels like a small change to a leadership team or what feels like a small change in direction feels huge for an S who has been rushed and who hasn't had time to think about it and talk about it. Change genuinely costs them energy more than it costs anybody else. And so if you've ever been in a school and you think, "Oh, I- " I don't know why those people just won't change."

Well, these people are the very people that are excellent teachers because they are relational and they care deeply about kids. And when they do latch onto a change, they do it and they do it properly. The speed at which education is working at the moment is just making these folk really de-energized, but [00:18:03] also it's making them look resistant when

all that they want is for things to slow down just a little bit so they can absorb the change.

I want to tell you another story, and it's, not so much about how others drain our energy, but how we can actually demotivate others accidentally. I was working with a principal who was very high S, so very relational, very lovely, slow and methodical, very supportive. And she had a staff member at the offsite kindergarten, and for whatever reason, that kindergarten, which was in a transportable building, needed to be brought back onto the school site.

And this principal was one of my coaching clients, and she said to me, "Every time I mention it to Claire," who is a D, so independent, fast-thinking, really capable. "Every time I mention it to Claire that [00:19:03] this building needs to be moved back on site and we need to have some parent meetings, Claire gets really angry and defensive."

And so what does an S not like? They don't like conflict, so the principal was getting really upset. And I said, "Tell me how you've been trying to work with Claire to pave the way for this kindergarten to come back on school site." And she said, "I said to Claire, 'Claire, let's sit down together and see if we can map out a transition that's going to make this as smooth as possible for the parents, the students, and the community.'"

Can you notice how my tone dropped, my speed dropped, and it was all about smoothness and harmony? That is not what energizes Claire. Claire likes results, action, and challenge. She likes things to move fast. She ne- likes to know exactly what to do. She likes to know how long she's got because she gives herself a [00:20:03] challenge to do it.

And I said, "So just for once, why don't we use Claire's language and Claire's motivation to see if we can get this job that needs to be done, done well?" And so we scripted it and said... I didn't say. Principal said, "Claire, I don't care what you do, but what needs to happen is we need to have two parent meetings.

We've got a budget of four thousand dollars, and this needs to happen before the first day of school next year." And guess what? That kindy was back on site before that principal could blink. All of the jobs were done. The transition meetings happened, the community meetings happened, the budget came in under budget.

But I don't know if you noticed, my speed went up. It was very factual. It was, "This is what I want you to do. This is how I want you to do it. Off you go." And that Claire understood. That motivated her, 'cause that's what her D style [00:21:03] wanted. Results, action, challenge. Just tell me what to do. Don't beat around the bush.

Don't get too fluffy, and off we go.

So that principal, her energy was being depleted by Claire because Claire was being difficult, in inverted commas.

Claire's energy was being depleted by the principal because she was too slow and too indecisive and too collaborative. Just in that moment, not for always, but just when a very important job needed to be done, when somebody needed to be moved or motivated or changed, we need to be aware of somebody else's Style and preferences for working so that we can get the best out of them.

So every interaction you have during a day has the ability to improve your energy or deplete your energy. If you're a leader and trying to motivate someone, just in the moment, you need to be using the language and the [00:22:03] style and the preferences that they have in order t- to make the changes that needed to be made.

This is not about being disingenuous. This is just understanding that sometimes when we're operating entirely from our own style, we don't get the changes that we need to make. So let's tie this back to the career decision-making, matrix, the energy versus impact matrix, the way that we did with strengths and values.

If you're sitting in the overwhelmed quadrant, meaning you've got high impact or still doing a really good job, but you are running on empty, it's worth asking whether some of that drain is coming from a style mismatch rather than a strengths or values problem. You might be doing work you're good at and that you believe in, but doing it in a way that fights your natural style.

Maybe if you're an I or an S, you're doing too much [00:23:03] solo work that's focused on detail because you're energized by people. Or if you're a D or a C, you might be doing too much collaborative work for someone who just wants to move fast and alone. If you are in the quadrant that is underutilized, meaning you've got plenty of energy, you're still really energized by your work, but you're not having the impact that you want, sometimes that's because your natural working style hasn't been given enough room to actually operate in the way that it wants to.

So for example, a strong I style stuck behind a desk with no room for relationship building is gonna feel flat. A strong C who has a need for detail and processes who's being asked to wing it or just go with the flow or work in a school that is chaotic is going to feel exhausted.

I'm gonna give you a warning, [00:24:03] the same one I gave you with strengths because that applies here, too. No style is better than any other and there is no perfect style for leadership. I've coached brilliant principals from every single one of these four styles. As I said earlier, we often will promote a D because they have the independence and decisiveness that we think we need.

However, you can be a considerate, careful S and still be an excellent leader. The goal isn't t-to become a different style and it is definitely not to diagnose yourself or your staff and then put them into boxes. The purpose of understanding your style is to understand your own personality and wiring well enough that you can see and recognize when the friction you're feeling is a style [00:25:03] mismatch, not a personal failing or a personality clash.

You can see that the reason why you love to work with that person is because your styles match and the reason why you dislike working with that person is because you don't share the same needs or priorities. I just wanna say one more thing here. Once you also understand your style, you understand the benefit that the other styles bring to you.

So if you are naturally reserved and careful and process-driven, maybe a C or an, or even an S, you're gonna really value colleagues that bring a kind of energy and decisiveness that you don't naturally have. And once you know that, you can be yin to each other's yang. You can be a great team because you complete each other.[00:26:03]

You can also work really well with people of the same style as you because you kinda get them. But sometimes if we're all Ds, we're a bit explosive. If we're too many Is, we're too enthus-enthusiastic and nothing gets finished. A group of Ss are very lovely to each other but nothing gets done or decided.

And we've got too many Cs or conscientious folk in the room and we all get analysis paralysis and we have the best research but we have no new ideas. So understanding yourself and understanding others helps us to understand where our energy is coming from because it's based on our needs and what it is that other people do that drain your energy. And just like with strengths, there's a sweet spot.

Every style has a shadow side when it's overused. A dominance when [00:27:03] pushed too far or when being too D, they just start to steamroll people. You know, they can be a little bit my way or the highway. An I can just be so lovely, but they will avoid the hard conversation entirely. Just too many emotions in there An S will set very...

I was gonna say, an S will set poor boundaries. An S rarely sets boundaries, or at least they can't assert their boundaries to save their life. So they are our, our yes people pleasers. Um, and while this is lovely, it comes at a cost. And as I said, a C pushed too far gets stuck in analysis and never signs off on anything.[00:28:03]

Knowing your style means knowing both your edge but also your gift. So it's about knowing what you bring, but also where you can be too much of yourself So this week I want you to notice, not judge, just notice where your working style is being honored and where you are fighting against it, where you get to be yourself and when you are flexing so much that you no longer feel like yourself.

Now, we all have to flex sometimes. We can't all just run around like me pumping sunshine. We do have to do the things that sit outside our style, but just noticing when we get energy and what drains our energy is key. And ask yourself, "What part of my work genuinely suits how I'm [00:29:03] wired, my personality?

What part of my week requires me to work against my natural style? And how much energy is that actually costing me?" You don't need to change your job to answer this. You just need to see it clearly. So there you have it. Your three energy sources, your strengths, what you're wired to do, and what you love doing, your values, which is what matters most and what needs to be honored, and your working style, which is how you naturally prefer to operate day to day. Together, these three explain almost everything about why some work lights us up and other work quietly grinds us down.

It also explains why some people fill us with joy and other people fill us with dread. So you could be the same person with the same job. You could both be [00:30:03] teachers, but your styles and your strengths and your values might be fundamentally different, and you're gonna approach work and life very differently.

So if you're ever out there thinking, "I don't know why such and such copes so well in that situation," or, "I don't know how that person continues to thrive," or, "How come they always seem confident and upbeat, and I just feel worn out and overwhelmed?" I want you to dive in to what brings you energy, because we want to bring more of that to your life and work.

If you are interested, I would love you to check out my self-leadership profile, because we go deep into these. So I've chatted about this for half an hour, but I go deep into your strengths, your styles, your values in the self-leadership profile, and you end up with [00:31:03] a one-page profile about who you are at your best when you are energized and when you are motivated and when you are living your best life.

You can find that on my website, teachleadleave.com.au, self-leadership profile.

Thank you so much for being here. I am Jenny Cole, and I really look forward to seeing you in the next episode.